I always loved the water glass scene from Jurassic Park, the one where a dinosaur’s footsteps cause it all to shake.
Turns out it’s a lot less cool in real life, when the ‘dinosaurs’ dwarf a T-Rex thrice over.
“Was it always like this?”
I looked to the naive hero-to-be sitting across, decked out in school uniform.
“No,” I replied, taking a drag from my cigarette. “We just had monsters dropped on us from the rainbow sky god.”
“You’re pulling my leg, aren’t you?”
The cave shook violently as something enormous crashed outside.
“Oh look,” I said. “There’s one now.”
Ash blasted my lungs as I picked amongst the ruins, the sun beating down on my back. Coughing, I adjusted my goggles before continuing my search, spying a sharp glint out the corner of my eye. A minute later, I’d found my prize: a pristine, midnight black assault rifle.
“Well, aren’t you a beauty?” I said, rubbing my hands.
“Why thank you,” said the gun. “My appearance is my pride, after all!”
I jumped back, tripping over a broken girder.
“Don’t be afraid!” it exclaimed. “I am the ancient sword Excalibur!”
I frowned. “Do swords shoot bullets?”
“We do now!”
The genie asked, “What should the world be made of, master?” I could’ve said anything. I could’ve made it out of diamonds, gold, fuckin’ happiness, I dunno.
But it was half seven in the morning, so of course I said coffee.
It’s not even the beans, either; it’s honest-to-God liquid coffee. I’m being sucked into this pungent whirlpool of stupidity, and all I know is that I’ve got a fuckin’ good excuse to be off work today.
I even consider drinking some, but then I see old Ben doing a gleeful backstroke.
Definitely not. The bastard drinks tea, after all.
The target bought a grande cappuccino at Costa, 10:35.
She checked her phone as she waited for it to cool. Every so often, her gaze would go askance, towards a tall man a table down. He had also bought a grande cappuccino, five minutes before. The man seemed preoccupied himself, watching something outside of the café.
Then I noticed their clothes. Long, brown trenchcoat, sunglasses, dipped fedora. Waistcoats and formal shirts, prim and proper. Thick, black boots ready for walking.
Suddenly, I looked behind me, and I saw the third, a smaller man in the same garb.
When my teacup fell over, I knew it was the end of the world.
It was my favourite cup, filled with piping hot English Breakfast. The other cups soon followed, but I was still in the thrall of my shattered favourite. Tiles fell from the roof, shattering against my beautiful floor; my word, I just cleaned it!
Positively fuming, I left for my garden, which did little to quell my anger. Flowers torn from their roots, earth tearing apart with a terrible groan, and hooligans screaming for their worthless lives.
If only I had that cup of tea…
In the beginning, there was nothing, and boy was that boring to travel through.
Sure, standing on top of a star as it whizzes through the universe sounds cool as hell, but in an empty universe? Oh, look, more nothing going past, didn’t see that coming. Let me guess, in a hundred miles we might run into nothing, then maybe we take a left into nothing? Fantastic.
So, after sticking around being bored for a while, I decided enough was enough. I ‘let there be light’ as the saying goes.
Regretted it ever since. Bloody planning permission was a nightmare.
The Imperial Library is a lovely place, if not for all the people allowed in. Still, there is the odd exception…
I look up from my desk, scrutinising the guard reading in a rocking chair.
“Are you okay over there?”
A helmet covers their face, save for their cool blue eyes. “Fine, thanks.”
“You finished cleaning up, you know. You don’t need to stay any longer.”
“So you’re here to read?”
They lower their novel, looking straight at me. “I’m here to admire things. Some of those are books.”
I look down, blushing furiously as the guard chuckles.